February 16, 2011 § Leave a comment
today has this feeling to it that i can’t really talk about to anyone.
its warm enough to be in a trailer and crank on a space heater and sleep in front of it with five layers of clothes and two pairs of socks and turn off your cellphone and listen to some slint as you drink mad dog and write in a journal
with such scrawls that in the morning (which is 5 am in the country)
you will not be able to read a damn word you’d written.
ten pages or garble that seemed so furious that it feels weird to be alone
with it. like having fucked and spooned and now the person is zooming in
and you still don’t know a thing more.
there was no one to recount the passion you spoke with
how they were amused or scared or
no. instead there are glyphs that seem disgusting in their curves.
cursive written by a baby genius on his first day.
this is followed by disgusting coffee at the 2nd worst diner in town. there
are two diners in less than a mile. that’s how fucked up today is. when you
realize that isn’t a GOOD thing.
combine this with
parking somewhere and walking a distance with
a bag thats not heavy and shoes that slightly hurt
they are almost gone but the thin leather
looks so much like skin that its worth wearing heavy wool socks
and peeling the shoes off all sweaty later.
combine all of this with
wearing some kind of heavy canvas jacket and waiting for someone in a parking lot.
back then you still smoked so do that and let it start to drizzle
and finish your cigarette and smell your pointer finger and middle finger:
the strength of industrial nicotine. the drizzle will feel like cold pebbles and then
it is time to get inside but leave the windows down so it rains on your arm
and the cassette needs to be flipped
all temporarily hot like a pancake.
when you wake up in the beginning of fall in a tent with a sweatshirt on but no underwear and you need to pee so you put on boots and know that the woods has seen so many flashy tushes that yours aint that special–
and today feels like getting warm after all of that.
(so some of that stuff above is really real tied to some pictures i have – and i looked for em and came up with a lot of shadows and pictures of rooms and setups and shit. but i lived inside and outside of these three photos for a good three months. weird phrasing… but yep.)