November 7, 2016 § Leave a comment
Part I: The Parting
Farewell to a six year archive that has been many things:
-parking lot for rambling
-placeholder for written life trajectory (when I was broke and on assistance, when all I did was write, when I spent everyday picking up glass and deflated balloons on the beach with the girls…raising them…feeding their bellies and minds, when I edited and wrote with my cohort, when I committed to one person or another, when I lifted off and formally became an educator…)
-place you could buy my books/zines
-place to show my 35mm work.
Part II: The Tits
These are all things that make me happy, but haven’t been my true life since 2015. In 2015 I radically departed from the thumbscrew and opened myself up stitch by stitch to let every lost tooth into my jaws again. For me, this meant transformation of routines, shedding of limits, and the selfish, necessary improvement of mental stamina. It meant truly embracing EVERY SINGLE THING I LOVE. From the mundane to the perverted. From the crust of morning to the rust of dusk.
Several actions helped me gain momentum.
-I addressed my chronic illness (still here! hello invisible disability no one knows how to talk to me about!) and mental fatigue with the help of natural medicines and body work procured from healers and those who do roots work.
-I channeled my new, lighter energy into my students, investing my love and time into their needs/learning with no veil.
-I traveled to Senegal to meet new friends. I traveled the states to meet old friends just for hugs.
-I listen to music all the fucking time, thrash the fuck out, sing a ton, go to shows, and have sacred shower sessions. Those dark years without listening to what I love and generally being exposed to GARBAGE took their toll. I am passionate (25 cent tax word, so sorry Chang) about how music makes me feel and who I share it with.
-I wrote a new zine after not having produced one for four years. It was small and fun. And in color. It was a labor of love.
-I have surrendered to/ am in complete agreement with nature. I’ve lost three people I loved in this year of re-birth. I’ve loved so hard and felt the part and wake deeply.
Part III: Find me.
My career and personal life are at odds. The things I practice privately (or with friends, or with lovers) and how I spend my days publicly don’t really sync. I don’t have the urge to write about my main work because it is 12 hours of all consuming heartwork day in and day out. Every evening my skin is electric with the sensitivities of tears and smiles. Every night I begin to peel and shed that weight/ shift back into my original form to confront the next day’s challenges. I don’t lose as much sleep anymore. I love so much better.
I feel that publicly I want to provide less shape-shifting free-verse and more formalized, radical servitude.
I won’t post a location here, but the new work will find you.
Part IV: Gratitude.
- if you held me down both in spirit or in body and you are featured by name or word trace in this virtual place.
- if you shared your home/family/pets/time
- if you let me love you/ dug with me/ went lucid with me.
- adventure/ all participants
See you in the reflection of the bone folder for the next ‘zine. xo